Life's a Happy Song!

I am always surprised when I learn something deep from a movie intended for kids. I am a big fan of The Muppets and have recently watched the movie and have been listening to the soundtrack. One of the songs is called “Life’s a Happy Song”. While I don’t fully agree with life being completely perfect, a few of the lines jumped out at me:

“I’ve Got Everything that I need, right in front of me.

Nothing’s stopping me, nothing that I can’t be with you right here next to me.”

One of the things that I have been worrying about recently is my future. I graduate in less than a month and the number one question I am being asked is, “What are you going to do when you graduate?” and to be quite honest….I have no idea. I feel myself becoming less content with where I am at and what I am supposed to be doing the more people ask me that question. Instead of focusing on the fact that I’m about to accomplish something I thought would never come, I am freaking out that I don’t know what my next step is going to be. I am immersed in confusion and tumultuous feelings.

As I listened to that song and after spending a wonderful evening with one of my favorite families in the world, I began to realize something: I have everything that I need (food, water, friends, family, support, love, people who care about me) and knowing that made the stress of the rest of my life release its grip on me.

God makes a promise in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has a plan for me. He is going to prosper me, not harm me. He wants to give me a hope and a future. What an incredible promise. While my future is still unclear, I know that He will provide. And I want nothing more than to fully rely on Him.

I just need to continually remind myself that when I try to take control of things, it rarely works out. My God is greater and stronger and more reliable than I am. He guides me every step and I want to follow Him wherever he tells me to go. My heart is open and ready for wherever he takes me. And I’m not going to stress out about it.
So if you ask me what I’m going to do after I graduate, I’m going to tell you to ask God. J.

High respect

Hi. My name is Claire and I am terrible at keeping things clean. I go through spurts where everything has a place and nothing is out of order, but this semester things have been out of control.

I don’t make cleaning a priority and that’s not fair to my amazing roommate, Tammy. Tammy has always been patient with me, but I was thinking about her today and realized that I want to be the kind of person who honors her friends. When I looked up the word honor this particular definition jumped out at me - high respect. Then I looked up respect to see what I would find and I came across the definition – to show regard or consideration to….

I realized that when Tammy wakes up and sees that the house is a disaster, she certainly doesn’t feel like I am considering her and the way she might like to see. I realized that I have been selfish and underserving of her understanding of my odd lifestyle (traveling, school, etc.)

So Tammy I want to honor you. I want you to know that I do care and consider your feelings. So from now on, I am going to do my absolute best to make you feel at peace in your home. I can’t promise perfection, but I can promise that I will do my very best to keep things orderly. Jesus told us to treat others as we would want to be treated. I certainly want my friends to show regard/consideration to me.

Love you, Tammy:

Claire

May your Will Be done

Today I am thinking about what was going on when Jesus rode the donkey into Jerusalem. The crowds had an agenda for Jesus. They expected him to be the leader of a revolution and I can only imagine when Jesus did not step into the role they thought He would take there was disappointment, anger, frustration, and so on. My thought when hearing about this each year is to think, but he gave his life for you. He made the ultimate sacrifice. He leads, but not in the way you had hoped he would. Then I think…well I guess this isn’t too far off from the way I’ve treated Him in the past.

Having a relationship with God is not about having our own personal vending machine. We are not supposed to make plans for God and yet, more often than not, I find myself trying to do that. The prayer could be, “God, I want your will to be done in this situation” whether it’s a sick friend or anxiety about at test. And even though I’ve asked God for His will, what I am not saying out loud is “and your will better be in line with how I want this situation to end.” And then when I fail the test or the sickness hasn’t passed, I wonder, “Where were you?” Why didn’t you step in? I asked for your will to be done.”

The truth of this situation is that we cannot even begin to imagine how much better God’s plan is going to be. We think we know what is best for us, but the truth is we are naïve. While it may not always seem like it, God knows what is best for us. He has an amazing plan and while it may take longer than we hoped, it is going to be amazing.
So here’s to trusting in the plan I know God has for me. It’s about time I stopped trying to be in control. It is not an easy path sometimes, but I know it is going to be so worth it in the end.

Fear

The fear isn’t that I can’t complete my weight loss journey. The fear lies in completing that journey only to find myself struggling to stay at the weight I want to be at. The fear lies in someone falling in love with a skinnier version of me…and then leaving if I ever gain back the weight.

I have been thinking a lot about my body recently. I don’t hate working out. I don’t hate the idea of eating healthier. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard, but I know I have the power within me through my support system and my God to lose the weight I need to lose. But something holds me back. Some people have told me that I don’t want it enough. I don’t think that’s true. I absolutely want it.

The hardest part for me is what my health does to my family and let’s face it my friends. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my sisters, brothers, parents, friends worry about what I’m doing to myself. They worry that I could die of a heart attack or eat myself into oblivion. I hate that I make them worry. I want so much to feel good when we take family photos. I want people to look at me and see that I look like the rest of my family (as far as my body goes). But something is holding me back.

Something…

I’m not sure what…

Maybe it’s the fact that I have to do this alone….

Not alone in the sense of supporters, but alone in the sense that very few people I know have to lose weight. I am on a journey that only certain people can understand. I get pumped up motivated and go strong for a while, but then it stops. What is it.

So I’m asking for prayer. I’m praying for self-control and discipline. I’m praying for a feeling of being alive and not struggling under the physical weight I bear. I’m praying to be able to ease the fears those closest to me hold dear. I’m 26 years old and had one boyfriend. I’ve wanted to get married since I was very young, but because of how I look…I’m overlooked. I am stared at for all of the wrong reasons. So I’m praying that I will figure out what it is that keeps me where I’m at. I’m done with excuses. Something needs to change. And I’m hoping it will very soon.