“And we danced and we cried and we laughed and had a really
really really good time.”
There’s something about dancing that makes life feel better.
It’s an action that allows you to let loose and express yourself in a way you
normally wouldn’t in an every day situation. I got to do some dancing with my
family this weekend and while I will never admit to being a great dancer, I
will say that while jumping around and laughing I forget the things that I
would normally spend a whole lot of time worrying about. I forget that I am a
large person and am normally self-conscious about people staring at me. I
forget that I haven’t figured out exactly what I want to do with my life. It’s
in the moments of singing at the top of my lungs while moving in ways that would
look completely ridiculous in any other setting that I tend to allow myself to
be completely me…completely free.
I spent this past weekend with my family. At our very first
family dinner I looked at the rest of my family and instantly felt inadequate.
The feelings of not fitting in started to settle in. My sisters are incredibly
beautiful and my brothers are amazingly handsome. Both of my parents look great
too. I have always felt simply like the fat one…the ugly one. I hate feeling
that way because I love being with my family, but it takes a lot for me to move
beyond those feelings and simply be with my family.
The next night was the senior dance for all of the graduates
at Colorado College. Lily had decided she wanted all of us to dress up in Great
Gatsby attire. As we all got ready for the evening, the feelings began to rise
up again. It only got worse upon attending the dance and feeling like the only
overweight person in the room. And then we stepped onto the dance floor.
Macklemore was blasting throughout the room and in those moments all I knew was
I was having a fabulous time with my siblings. It was in that second I realized
that my family doesn’t care what I look like. They love me unconditionally and
have always believed I fit perfectly in with them.
So I danced with them and allowed myself to forget about the
lies that try to infiltrate my soul more often than not. I laughed and enjoyed
the rest of the weekend with my amazing family. Oh how I love them.
