Does
anyone ever really have all of his or her ducks in a row? I’m curious as to who
came up with that phrase, because honestly I’m convinced there is always one
stubborn duck who simply cannot stay put. I can definitely say there have been
moments in my life where a lot of my ducks seemed to be lining up, but never
has every aspect of my life been working “correctly” all at the same time.
Take
my current stage of life. I have a great job, am involved in an incredible
Christian community, love the church I go to, and have been blessed with some
of the best friends a girl could ask for. That’s a lot of positives and I am
really grateful those things are working out for me at the moment. I wish I
could train my mind to focus only on the things that ARE working out because
then maybe I wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about: who I’m going to
marry…will I get married? Will someone ever pursue me? Is it possible for me to
get over myself and actually succeed in losing weight? Why does it seem like I
sabotage myself the most when I start to see any kind of success in my health
journey? These questions (and more) constantly float around in my head. These
questions keep my head busy.
As
I was thinking about this earlier tonight, something clicked with me. I
realized that if everything in my life was “perfect”, I probably wouldn’t rely
on God as much as I do. As it is I need God to get through each and everyday. I
need to be able to praise Him in the positive moments and fall flat on my face before
Him in the areas of my life where I struggle.
I remember being in Africa and having so many
obstacles before me: I didn’t speak the language, the local food made me feel
sick, I felt left out by the staff a lot, I was lonely, I was completely out of
my comfort zone, the guy I was dating was a 14 hour drive away…I felt lost…In
that time it was impossible for me to not rely on God. I had a whole bunch of
ADHD ducks all running in different directions and my only sense of security…my
only way to get out of bed each morning was to spend as much time as I possibly
could reading my Bible, praying and worshipping Him. The ten months I spent in
Ethiopia were by far the closest I’ve ever felt to God and through that
relationship it was one of the best experiences of my entire life.
So
I’m going to be ok with my ducks being a bit scattered. I’ll be grateful for
the things that are going well and remember that I love a God who knows the desires
of my heart. He is going to provide for me and I just have to be patient and
keep reminding myself that His timing is best.
