I AM HERE

"You are the life to my heart and my soul

You are the light to the darkness around me

You are the Hope to the hopeless and broken

You are the only Truth and the Way."

I've recently had an experience that brought me to my most vulnerable place. I have been severely struggling with feeling like I've lost my purpose. When I lived in Africa I just knew that I was in the right place. My heart was content. Even though it was a struggle sometimes, I knew that God was with me and that made all of the difference. It's been over 4 years since I was there. And while there have been wonderful experiences along the way, I have felt alone. I have not felt the hand of God the way I once did. I lost a passion that I so long to get back. In this disconnect, I have felt myself slowly slipping further and further from Him.

On Sunday my church hosted the Bethel Church Worship Team from Indiana. They stayed with my parents over the weekend and at one point the whole team prayed for me. I have been prayed for before, but I have never felt the Holy Spirit's touch the way I did when they prayed for me. They had never met me before, but they completely pin pointed the exact things I was struggling with. One of the women (Jess) was praying and said that she didn't know exactly what I have been struggling with over the past two years, but that it hasn't been fruitless. That is when I burst into tears. How could she have known that? God was in that room. I felt his touch and his spirit surround me.....envelop me. It was wonderful and overwhelming all at the same time. It was God saying over and over again, "I AM HERE. I AM HERE." I could barely hold myself together on Sunday as the words of each song became so intensely real again.

A door has been opened for me to go to Africa again. I cannot even begin to describe not only the happiness, but the joy I have been feeling. He is here. He is the only one who brings me such an amazing joy. He is Here.

Indulgence

Friday, February 11, 2011:

Exercise: Didn't get to the gym due to back issues, but went up and down my stairs a good amount of times. That should count for something!!

Pump Me Up Song:

Forget You/F*** You

Cee Lo Green

Gotta love it!

Motivational Quote of the Day:

Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

Anonymous

My words of the day:

Friday wasn't my best day as far as eating goes, but I figured what the hell. Everyone deserves a day of indulgence every now and then. I may have overdid it a bit, BUT I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. That doesn't help anything.

One of the main things I have learned on my getting healthy journey is that I need to take pride in the small accomplishments (for example I have chosen NOT to get Starbucks for the last 2 weeks despite REALLY wanting it) and not beating myself up over the inevitable mistakes I make. Mistakes are a part of the growth process and I have learned so much from the ones I have made! So for those who are maybe starting a journey of your own one tip I would give is to grab a notepad at the end of the day and write down several things that you did well that day!! It really can make a difference!

And so it begins:

This blog shall now be transformed into a site following the steps I am taking to getting healthy. I will try and post regularly including things such as motivational quotes of the day, pump me up songs of the day, photos, and so on. It is a way to keep myself active and a way to allow you to support me in my journey!! So here it goes!!

February 10, 2011:

Exercise:

Circuit training with Jeremy! (30 minutes)

Pump Me Up Song:

Silly Love Songs (Glee Cast)

Gotta love Darrin Criss!!

Motivational Quote:

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

Helen Keller

My Words of the Day:

I know I can do this. I know I can get to the weight/health I want to be at. It's a matter of focusing on the goal and never forgetting to dream. The day I can no longer dream is the day I consider life to be finished. I dream of shopping at stores my sisters buy clothes from. I dream of enjoying going out to crowded places. I dream of going to the gym to maintain (instead of trying to lose) my new body. I dream of a day when boys will turn and look at me when I walk past (for good reasons!!). These are the dreams I cling to that will get me through this process; it will get me through this life change. :).

The one thing I have to keep in mind, however, is something an amazing family friend told me today: I am loved right now. I am beautiful right now. I don't have to be a size 2 to be stunning. my goal is to remember that each and every day. :).

Thanks everyone for being there for me!