There’s a particularly painful memory I have from my teenage years that lives in my head rent free and the fact that thinking about it still brings up a lot of anger, sadness, and frustration made me really curious about the concept behind the phrase Forgive and Forget. It’s a phrase that gets tossed around and I’ve never felt that it was actually possible.
I strongly believe in forgiveness. It is a Biblical principle and yet I believe it has been misunderstood by many. The idea that forgiving someone goes hand in hand with forgetting what that person did seems unrealistic. Barring brain injuries or diseases like Alzheimer’s or Dementia, our memories aren’t easily erased. They may fade over time, but forgotten completely? Not likely.
No matter how much I wish I could forget that memory, it made its mark. Here’s the thing: I chose to forgive the person involved a long time ago. I was able to share the hurt I felt from the situation and then forgave them. So why is there still pain associated with it? When it pops up my first reaction is maybe I wasn’t as forgiving as I thought. And then I remembered the start of a parable in Matthew 18:21-22:
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’
Jesus Answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”
As a kid, I did the math: 490 times. Seemed like a big number, but multiplying seventy times seven was the solution to Peter’s question. Or so my younger self thought. It wasn’t until quite recently that a different realization came to me. Maybe Jesus wasn’t being literal when He responded to Peter. Maybe the point He was trying to make was that it is our job to continue to choose forgiveness. When the pain pops up, choose to forgive again. Or better yet, choose to remember when you first forgave and then choose to keep forgiving them. For what the Lord has done for us, so shall we do to others.
