In Awe

I am sitting on the porch with an absolutely amazing view of the mountains veiled with fog. There is a blue hue across the whole sky and it is absolutely peaceful. The last few weeks have been super stressful for me. Sitting here right now makes me feel like I can finally breathe again. I can finally feel the stress lifting from my body and I am grateful for it (even if will only last for a short time). Thank you, God for this morning.
I am in complete awe of your creativity. The earth has so many elements to it and each one was specifically designed by you. I forget sometimes to thank you for the wonderful things you have done in my life. I spend more time wondering why you aren’t doing things in my life when in reality, you are doing SO much in my life. This is the first year in a long time I have been able to tell myself I am beautiful. With the help of Rachel and with your love I have slowly been able to see myself the way you see me. You look past the heavy Claire most people judge. You look into my heart and see me for who I am. You forgive me when I make mistakes…this is another thing I struggle greatly with. I make mistakes and slam myself for it, but you take me back each time. I know this is going to sound like a “duh” statement, but you love me no matter what. I have to remind myself of that. You love me when I am angry with you. You love me even when I hurt you. Your love is unconditional and you will never reject me or turn away from me. What an amazing father you are.

Sleepless Nights

After a wonderful time at the mall with one of my favorite people, I arrived home and could not sleep. I cleaned my room. I made my bed. I finally sat in my bed on the left side with the other side still perfectly made. I felt a feeling I hadn't felt in a very long time...deep loneliness and sadness. Now I know that I am still young and it seems ridiculous to be wasting time with feelings like these, but there is always the small part of me that wishes I had that significant other. I know God has someone in mind for me...or at least I hope He does...but sometimes it's hard when I am surrounded by people who are either married, engaged, and in relationships. While I am incredibly happy for them, I feel this slow chipping at my soul wondering when will it be my turn. I am to the point in my life where I truly like who I am. I like me. I like what I stand for. I am working on liking the physical me as well. I knew that before I wanted to be with somebody, I wanted to make sure I loved who I am. I'm going to be 25 this year and I have only dated one guy. I just feel like I'm behind. Like I'm missing something. Maybe not...I just know I did not get any sleep last night because that empty feeling wouldn't leave.