Indulgence

Friday, February 11, 2011:

Exercise: Didn't get to the gym due to back issues, but went up and down my stairs a good amount of times. That should count for something!!

Pump Me Up Song:

Forget You/F*** You

Cee Lo Green

Gotta love it!

Motivational Quote of the Day:

Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

Anonymous

My words of the day:

Friday wasn't my best day as far as eating goes, but I figured what the hell. Everyone deserves a day of indulgence every now and then. I may have overdid it a bit, BUT I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. That doesn't help anything.

One of the main things I have learned on my getting healthy journey is that I need to take pride in the small accomplishments (for example I have chosen NOT to get Starbucks for the last 2 weeks despite REALLY wanting it) and not beating myself up over the inevitable mistakes I make. Mistakes are a part of the growth process and I have learned so much from the ones I have made! So for those who are maybe starting a journey of your own one tip I would give is to grab a notepad at the end of the day and write down several things that you did well that day!! It really can make a difference!

And so it begins:

This blog shall now be transformed into a site following the steps I am taking to getting healthy. I will try and post regularly including things such as motivational quotes of the day, pump me up songs of the day, photos, and so on. It is a way to keep myself active and a way to allow you to support me in my journey!! So here it goes!!

February 10, 2011:

Exercise:

Circuit training with Jeremy! (30 minutes)

Pump Me Up Song:

Silly Love Songs (Glee Cast)

Gotta love Darrin Criss!!

Motivational Quote:

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."

Helen Keller

My Words of the Day:

I know I can do this. I know I can get to the weight/health I want to be at. It's a matter of focusing on the goal and never forgetting to dream. The day I can no longer dream is the day I consider life to be finished. I dream of shopping at stores my sisters buy clothes from. I dream of enjoying going out to crowded places. I dream of going to the gym to maintain (instead of trying to lose) my new body. I dream of a day when boys will turn and look at me when I walk past (for good reasons!!). These are the dreams I cling to that will get me through this process; it will get me through this life change. :).

The one thing I have to keep in mind, however, is something an amazing family friend told me today: I am loved right now. I am beautiful right now. I don't have to be a size 2 to be stunning. my goal is to remember that each and every day. :).

Thanks everyone for being there for me!

In Awe

I am sitting on the porch with an absolutely amazing view of the mountains veiled with fog. There is a blue hue across the whole sky and it is absolutely peaceful. The last few weeks have been super stressful for me. Sitting here right now makes me feel like I can finally breathe again. I can finally feel the stress lifting from my body and I am grateful for it (even if will only last for a short time). Thank you, God for this morning.
I am in complete awe of your creativity. The earth has so many elements to it and each one was specifically designed by you. I forget sometimes to thank you for the wonderful things you have done in my life. I spend more time wondering why you aren’t doing things in my life when in reality, you are doing SO much in my life. This is the first year in a long time I have been able to tell myself I am beautiful. With the help of Rachel and with your love I have slowly been able to see myself the way you see me. You look past the heavy Claire most people judge. You look into my heart and see me for who I am. You forgive me when I make mistakes…this is another thing I struggle greatly with. I make mistakes and slam myself for it, but you take me back each time. I know this is going to sound like a “duh” statement, but you love me no matter what. I have to remind myself of that. You love me when I am angry with you. You love me even when I hurt you. Your love is unconditional and you will never reject me or turn away from me. What an amazing father you are.

Sleepless Nights

After a wonderful time at the mall with one of my favorite people, I arrived home and could not sleep. I cleaned my room. I made my bed. I finally sat in my bed on the left side with the other side still perfectly made. I felt a feeling I hadn't felt in a very long time...deep loneliness and sadness. Now I know that I am still young and it seems ridiculous to be wasting time with feelings like these, but there is always the small part of me that wishes I had that significant other. I know God has someone in mind for me...or at least I hope He does...but sometimes it's hard when I am surrounded by people who are either married, engaged, and in relationships. While I am incredibly happy for them, I feel this slow chipping at my soul wondering when will it be my turn. I am to the point in my life where I truly like who I am. I like me. I like what I stand for. I am working on liking the physical me as well. I knew that before I wanted to be with somebody, I wanted to make sure I loved who I am. I'm going to be 25 this year and I have only dated one guy. I just feel like I'm behind. Like I'm missing something. Maybe not...I just know I did not get any sleep last night because that empty feeling wouldn't leave.

I Adore You

I Adore You
Jesus Culture

Mercy falls from Your heart down on me

Glory streams from Your face so lovely 

A million words could not describe

How marvelous Your perfect light



I adore You 

I will sing it with all my heart

I adore You


I love everything You are



That my heart, beats to the rhythm of Your heart

That my eyes focus on Your beautiful eyes

A million tongues could not express

How beautiful Your holiness



My life is yours and will be forever


My love is yours 


Adore [uh-dawr, uh-dohr]

verb (used with object)

1. to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor

2. to pay divine honor to; worship: to adore god.

3. To like or admire very much

verb (used without object)

4. to worship

Utmost [uht-most]

1. of the greatest or highest degree, quantity, or the like; greatest

2. being at the farthest point or extremity; farthest

When I heard this song the other day, it made me remember how I feel about God. The word adore is defined above in several different ways. The very first definition really sticks out to me. Combine that with the definition of utmost and the song title would read this way: I regard you with the highest degree of esteem, love, and respect. Isn’t that perfect? I have always said I loved God, but the word adore takes it one step farther. The truth is, there is no one I love/adore more than God so it is the perfect definition.

Sometimes I don’t say know how to put into words what I feel about God. It seems impossible to give him the description he deserves. He is this all powerful, loving, wise being who cares deeply for his children. He is worth our adoration. And if we think about, God adores his children. I have heard several times that God can’t love his children anymore than he already does. His adoration is at its largest capacity and it won’t diminish. That is pretty incredible to think about.

God deserves to be regarded with the utmost esteem…the utmost love…and the utmost respect. And I find myself guilty of not giving him the utmost all of the time.

I Asked You For Life

I Asked You For Life

(Kim Walker)

October 12, 2010

I asked You for life, and You sent your son to die for me.


I asked You for hope, You came in the night and gave me a dream.


I asked You for freedom, You broke every chain and gave me the keys.


I asked You for love never-ending and every day You surround me!



And now my faith in You is a mountain that can't be shaken,


Now my strength is found in You, It is joy that can't be taken!



Praise spills from my lips, flowing onto the feet of You, my King.


You deserve all the love and all the honor that I can bring!



Here is my song, here is my heart, here is my love, all for You, Jesus!



Holy, Holy, only You are worthy!


Sometimes I forget how much I ask of God, but more importantly I forget how often He has given me what I ask (in some way or another).

When I was in college the first time, I had a bit of a mental/nervous breakdown and in that time I asked God for vision. I asked Him to show me what my next steps should be. That prayer led me to living in Africa for almost a year, which was the single most important time in my entire life.

When I came home from Africa (a bit defeated with the way things had gone towards the end), I asked for wisdom as to where I should head next. That led me to working with some of the most amazing teenagers I have ever met for almost three years.

As this last year of youth group came to an end, I felt that God was pulling me away from the one place I felt truly comfortable in my church. Before I let myself panic, I realized that I had tentatively planned a road trip for that summer. I began to realize that I could really do the road trip and use the drive time and distance from home to truly examine and reorganize my life.

I left in June and by the time I was officially back home towards the end of August, I knew the next step I needed to take. While it was a really hard decision due to the fact that these kids were (AND STILL VERY MUCH ARE) a huge part of my life. I love each of them as I do my own siblings and I couldn’t fathom walking away from them. But God had another plan for me. I stepped down not only from youth ministry, but from ministry in general and am currently allowing myself just to be.

Before I left on the road trip this summer, I was ready to be done with everything. With school, with church, and dare I say it, with God. I had been hurt by several people very close to me and felt that the church (as a whole) was somewhat of a hypocrisy. As awesome as God is, I lost so much of my passion while trying to defend my character and convince people I was not self destructing. I went into the summer with a very small opening for God to work with, but as the days passed I began to feel more and more connected with him. I began to pray that He would allow me to just be myself and not feel like I needed to put on a show. I asked him to show me a peace I had not felt for an incredibly long time. He showed me that allowing myself to come to church without a single string attached was exactly what I needed.

God keeps giving. And now I realize that God is asking me for something as well. He is asking for all of me. Not just little bits and pieces. He wants me and loves me and actively pursues me on a consistent basis. I’ve always heard that women want to be pursued by men. While I have never had that in a romantic girlfriend/boyfriend sort of way, I am seeing that I have that with God. It is so thrilling to know how much He cares about me. God wants me. Not my masks. Not my fronts. Not the image others expect. He wants Me: JUST AS I AM.

“Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house.The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” Psalm 45:10-11

I long to honor Him. God is all I want. He is all I’ll ever NEED. “MY FAITH IN HIM IS A MOUNTAIN THAT CAN NOT BE SHAKEN; A JOY THAT CANNOT BE TAKEN!!!!” Not let it be this for the rest of my days.